To Be a Better Writer, Ditch Perfectionism
Have you ever worked on a project, finished it, and then went back later and decided to start all over again because it wasn’t good enough?
Or maybe you’ve had a brilliant idea but are convinced you can’t make it as great as it is in your head because it has to be perfect so you don’t start at all.
Does this sound familiar?
If you’re a fellow achiever, you might be nodding along.
I totally get it! Because I do that in almost all areas of my life.
Or I used to.
These days I’m a recovering perfectionist.
What is Perfectionism?
You’ve probably heard the term perfectionism, or of the compulsion to be a perfectionist.
Because I love the dictionary (yes, I love the dictionary), I wanted to share the definition so we can talk about it.
A perfectionist is someone who “refuses to accept any standard short of perfection” and a perfectionist mindset is “refusing to accept any standard short of perfectionism.”
So, perfectionism can be used to describe both a person and the beliefs behind it.
Why is Perfectionism Harmful?
For most of my life, I didn’t see a problem with perfectionism. If we’re being honest, I was one of those people that used perfectionism as a fake “weakness” in job interviews because I truly thought it was a strength.
And I’ll say this - it’s not a bad thing to have high standards! Like at all. I encourage it, because I think it helps us and everyone around us both in the short and long-term.
The problem is when we don’t allow for any sort of human error.
Sure, we want to strive for the best we can be, but we are, in fact, humans who make mistakes. We have off days. Days we’re just surviving. Days we just want to be over because it sucked.
And that’s okay! It’s part of the human experience!
The fact of the matter is that perfectionism and a perfectionist mindset causes serious issues in our lives that we sometimes don’t even realize are there.
It’s actually incredibly harmful! Here’s why:
Creates Unachievable Standards
We can’t be perfect, and the work we produce can’t be perfect. But when you’re a perfectionist, you have this mindset that you have to keep trying until it is perfect. This creates a pattern of burning ourselves out trying to get to a standard we can’t actually reach.
Too Much Pressure
Have you ever noticed the people in your life who are perfectionists always seem to be more stressed? And maybe they don’t say that, but you can tell just by the way they speak and act? This is because perfectionism puts an INCREDIBLE amount of pressure on people. Sometimes it feels like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your own two shoulders.
Have you ever felt like that?
It’s awful. It’s so stressful. It’s way too much pressure for a single person!
Delays in Action
This is kind of a sneaky aspect of perfectionism, because as a perfectionist you think you’re “taking the time to research all the options” or you need to “think about it” for a lot longer than it actually takes to decide. It doesn’t feel like a problem because you feel like you’re being thorough.
In reality, it’s really just delaying the moment where you take action. It means that before you’ve even taken action, you’re worried that it won’t be the right choice, or the decision you make won’t be good enough. It can drag on and on.
Permanent Inaction
At the peak of perfectionism, sometimes perfectionists decide not to do anything at all because they know they’ll never meet their own standards. That means that some brilliant books, works of art, music - versions of all the things we enjoy - haven’t been made or won’t be made because someone somewhere didn’t think their idea was good enough. How crazy is that?! So sad!
What Happens if I Stay a Perfectionist?
I was in camp perfectionist up until probably the last maybe 2-3 years? And let me tell you, the grass really IS greener over here outside of camp.
If you’re a writer (and I suspect you are!), this is especially important for you. Writing is a cyclical process - it’s not a one and done be perfect the first time situation. For anyone. Writing is a skill, not a talent, so don’t let perfectionism stop you from expressing your imagination and creativity.
In the case you’re not quite ready to decide if you should change your mindset, here’s what will happen if you keep being a perfectionist:
Keep Being Frustrated
Keep Having a Low Level of Confidence
Keep Taking No Action
Keep Letting Fear of Failure Run Your Life
Always Feel Stressed
Always Feel Spread Too Thin
Always Wondering How Everyone Else Looks So Calm
I hate to break it to you, but perfectionism will always be a weight, if you decide to keep it.
It’s not going to feel good, or like you’re “doing your best.”
It’s going to feel like you’re doing your best and it’s never enough.
It’s going to feel like you’re watching everyone else achieve these awesome things and thinking “Why isn’t that happening for me?” because you can’t see that it is happening to you.
And creatively, it’s going to feel like this little voice in your head saying “Why bother starting that project when you know you can’t do it right?”
Does that sound like something you want to stay signed on for?
How Do I Ditch Perfectionism?
So, before we talk about how to ditch the crap out of perfectionism (because you should), I want to just say that talking about perfectionist mindset in this way makes it sound so easy.
Like it’s something you can just throw in the trash can and walk away. It’s not.
FAR from it.
Perfectionism is so deeply ingrained in those of us with the mindset that - I’m not going to lie to you - it will be a long time before you feel like you can stop.
It’s not a quick fix situation.
It’s a life long, show up and work on it situation.
I will also tell you that it’s 100% worth it.
No matter what else you do, or other ways you feel, I guarantee that ditching perfectionism is the right choice. And you CAN do it.
Here’s how:
1. Decide that perfectionism is a real problem for you.
First, you have to recognize it’s a problem before you can fix it!
Think about the old saying “Why fix something that’s not broken?”
Should we keep using the old way that kind of works sometimes? Or choose a new, better way that’s not only more efficient, but works every time?
Start with allowing yourself the space to know - really know - that perfectionism is the old way and you can do better.
2. Evaluate the areas of your life where perfectionism is prevalent.
Once you’ve decided to change (which is a big step!) you need to evaluate where to start.
Think about the areas where your perfectionism runs most rampant.
Where you are paralyzed because of it. Or super uncomfortable. Or where you’ve been working on something for years with no progress because it’s “not good enough.”
3. Choose one area of your life and plan the steps you can start taking small, imperfect actions.
When you’ve figured out which areas feel the worst, or where perfectionism is really running the show, choose ONE area and make a plan to start taking action.
This doesn’t mean you need a 10 year plan for your whole life.
It means you need a plan for what you are going to do this week. This month. For ONE area.
How are you going to start taking those baby steps toward action even though you know it’s not going to be perfect?
4. Continuously remind yourself that mistakes are okay because you are human.
When you’ve made a plan, it’s time to implement it. One of the hardest things about ditching perfectionism is the sheer number of times you will have to tell yourself:
It is okay to make a mistake. It is okay that this is not perfect. I’m leaving it alone anyway because I did my best and my best is enough.
Your best IS enough, and you will have to keep reminding yourself. When you tell yourself over and over, you’ll not only start feeling better about your work, but you’ll also believe it - even if you don’t at first.
5. Keep taking small imperfect actions until it becomes a habit.
The way to kick perfectionism to the curb once and for all is to literally just show up and take imperfect actions, no matter how small they are, until it becomes a habit. Until you stop doing your best and then redoing it. Until you really know that your best is already enough. Just keep going.
One day you’ll smile and realize you’re not a perfectionist anymore. And then you’ll smile even bigger because you feel SO MUCH BETTER.
Perfectionism & Writing
You might have noticed that I didn’t talk a whole lot about writing in this blog, even though the title says that getting rid of the perfectionist mindset will make you a better writer.
I did this purposefully because honestly? One of the places writers struggle with perfectionism the most - and where it’s most damaging - is in our writing. We get stuck in this trap of thinking that the first draft is always bad, or that we’ll never be in the same league with the writers of the “classics” we all read in school. We tell ourselves things like, “Oh, I’m no Jane Austen.”
The reality is that, no, I’m not Jane Austen. But I don’t NEED to be Jane Austen to be a good writer. I can be “just me” and be a good writer. But perfectionism almost completely blocks that out in our minds.
So when I say ditching perfectionism will make you a better writer, it’s because:
You’ll be writing
You’ll like writing
You’ll believe in your writing again (or maybe for the first time)
You’ll be braver in your writing
You might even share your writing! And find out that people like it!
If we’re choosing only one area to start ditching perfectionism, writing might not always be the first step. It might be relationships or body image or any other number of things.
That doesn’t mean writing is less important, but it does mean you have to make the decision of what to prioritize in your own life.
Besides, once you start ditching perfectionism in one area, the other areas will get a little easier as it grows into a habit. You might even find that by focusing on one area, the others (including writing) get a little better seemingly on their own.
Next Steps
Wow, that was a lot! I feel like I’m not normally quite so dictatorial or, dare I say, aggressive, when I’m writing blogs!
This is such an important conversation, though, and one that we need to have! You really will be a better writer when you’re not in the perfectionist mindset. If you don’t believe me, try it and see what happens!
But what the heck do you do with all this info now that you have it?
1. Decide you don’t want to be a perfectionist.
Even if you’re not ready right this minute (don’t worry - I get it!), keep thinking about these ideas. You will save yourself a lot of stress and heartache if you make the decision sooner rather than later.
2. Practice taking action that’s NOT perfect.
Take some small actions that aren’t perfect! Start practicing your imperfect life.
3. Keep trying, even when you fail (and you will).
This whole process is probably going to be frustrating. It’s a lot of work, and you’ll fail sometimes. It happens! And that really is okay, I promise. But don’t give up when you fail. Keep trying - you’ll get there.
4. Be kind to yourself.
Some people are really good at being kind to themselves and doing enough self-care, which is awesome. For those of us who are not, this is a gentle reminder that you need to be nice to yourself as you’re building these habits.
This is why I say I’m a recovering perfectionist - it’s not something that just happens. I regularly tell myself positive things and am really intentional about being kind to myself because it doesn’t come easily to me. That doesn’t mean it’s not important! Just that I have to intentionally give myself grace.
5.Get Help if You Need It
If this all seems overwhelming, or you are slightly panicking because you don’t know what to do next, don’t be afraid to get help. If you’re a writer and the area you want to focus on next is your writing and you’re ready to break those habits and make your dreams happen, I can help!
I work with writers 1:1 all the time on planning and strategizing about their writing. I can also just act as a consistent supporter for other recovering perfectionist writers. You can read more about my 1:1 services here, or you can shoot me an email and we can have a brief chat about what you want and need next.
My challenge to you is to make the bold decision to stop being a perfectionist.
Are you a perfectionist? Did you used to be a perfectionist and decided to stop? I’d love to hear about your experiences! Find me on social media, drop a comment below, or email me at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com!
Let’s chat because you, my friend, are on your way to great writing.