The Journey Matters
Have you ever woken up one day, looked at your life, and asked yourself, “How the heck did I get here?” Or possibly “What am I doing with my life?” I know I have! (You don’t need to mention how often this happens - for some of us, it’s frequent.)
Sometimes we get so caught up in trying to achieve our future goals or dwelling on where we came from that we miss the middle period. We conveniently “forget” or gloss over that period when we were working our butts off because when we get to a goal, we’ve made it! Right?
The problem is that the middle period is most of our time. Seriously. We have a handful of goals, some big and some small, but the reality is that we don’t meet a major goal every single day of our lives. That would be exhausting! And unrealistic.
Our big goals and dreams take time, work, and effort. When we achieve a major goals, it’s so monumental that all we want to do, at least initially, is celebrate our arrival. That’s what gives us the “ability” to gloss over all the middle work.
The middle is critical, though.
This is true not just because it’s the biggest part of our lives, but also because it’s where we learn and grow. It’s where we fail, fall flat on our face, and get back up and start again. It’s the unexpected delights and overlooked barriers. Most of all, it’s a journey, and the journey matters.
I’ve been contemplating my journey a lot lately, as I had one of those “How did I get here?” moments the other day. I arrived on campus to teach my evening classes and before going to the classroom, I went to the vending machine. After deciding not to pay $1.25 for a snack bag of chips, I was walking - will all of my stuff - back to the classroom and I was at ease.
I saw a couple of students bolt into the classroom, eyes glued to their phones. As I set up and unloaded all of my materials, I thought about how, not long ago, I was that student walking into night class.
I went into the classroom, began writing peer review rules on the board, and thought about how much I disliked peer review as a student. It was surreal how much everything had changed in less than 5 years.
This isn’t the first time I’ve thought about my journey, and it certainly won’t be the last. But, it made me stop to consider where I’ve been and what I want in the future. Having recently started pursuing my lifelong dream of being a writer “when I grow up,” the journey has become much more obvious in my life.
Are you where you thought you would be when you were young? If not, where did your journey lead you? If you are, is it everything you dreamed of?
I certainly couldn’t have pictured where I am right now 5 years ago!
The first time I remember intentionally doing critical thinking about my journey was during graduate school. I was at a graduate conference in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, giving a paper about a super cool mosaic novel, 12 Collections & The Teashop by Zoran Zivkovic. (You can read more about it in my recommended reads blog!).
The closing activity of the conference was for each individual to choose a 3 word phrase that represented one of the guiding principles of their lives. At the end, we all took a picture together that made a mosaic.
Everyone else seemed to be thinking about their phrases with ease. Meanwhile, I was stumped. I was surrounded by some of the smartest people I’d ever met, most of them pursuing PhD degrees, and they seemed to know what they were all about.
Up to that point, I thought I had a long term plan for my career, but right around that time, new knowledge had made me reconsider everything. I was lost, and I didn’t know where the future was going to lead (besides out of school - I was seriously burned out). In that moment, I figured out my phrase:
“The Journey Matters”
You can see my piece of the mosaic pictured here. I still have it, and even though it’s not displayed, I think of it often.
Once I considered that my life was a journey and not a goal (or a race), life changed! Many times since then, I’ve looked back fondly at that day and wished it had come sooner. Everything in its own time, though, right?
I am so very thankful that I was able to live that moment. Of course, living for the journey is a work in progress. That’s part of being human. But I try to take time every day to notice what’s right and beautiful in the world, even on the days when I’m inundated with stress and bad news. I even have a series of sunrise pictures taken on my way to work. They’re quite lovely, and I enjoy flipping through the different seasons.
I’m also profoundly grateful for the opportunities I had during grad school. There seems to be an ongoing debate about whether grad school is worth the time and money, and I believe it is, 100%.
It’s not for everyone, but these are some of the (important) ways I grew during grad school:
Learned how to be a full-fledged adult
Learned how to (effectively) manage time
Learned to prioritize, plan, and organize
Learned how to and did networking! (This is probably one of the most important things any adult can learn.)
Was offered and took professional opportunities that helped me get a job after I graduated. I taught, was a teaching assistant, and was a research assistant. (Not all at the same time.)
Learned to think critically and in new ways.
Learned to persevere when everything seems like it’s too much.
Learned to lean on my support network for help.
Learned to admit that sometimes I need help because I’m only one person.
Learned a butt load about English & how to teach it to students.
This isn’t a comprehensive list, of course, but as you’ll probably notice, most of the growth was learning. I did learn in class (a lot! About things I love!), but most of the growth I experienced, especially the pieces I still use regularly today, were as a person.
I needed this part of my journey to become a successful me in the present day. If I hadn’t had the moment of realizing that the journey is so gosh dang important, I might have missed how much I really have grown, for the better, since college. Let alone high school.
The next time you find yourself wondering how you got where you are today or where you are supposed to be going, look at your journey. Think about those “aha” moments in your own life. You know, the ones where it was like a light bulb came on in your mind and it was like you were able to see things clearly for the first time.
Many of us are goal-driven people. We are achievers who like to check off boxes and feel like we’ve accomplished what we set out to do. We have to purposefully stop and make time to remember, though, that life isn’t always about the check boxes. It’s so much more. We just have to make the choice to look around us and see it.
How do you think about your journey? What are some of your aha moments that have changed your life? I’d love to hear about them! Drop me a comment or email me at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com.