An Open Reminder: It is OK to be Just Okay
Hi There,
Today’s post is a little different than normal because there have been many ups and downs for the past couple of months. I wanted to write an open reminder for myself that it is okay to be just okay, but then I thought: I know I’m not the only one who needs to hear this.
I’m sharing in hopes that it helps you as much as it has helped me to write it. May is also mental health awareness month, so it's a great time to be thinking about how we're all doing!
We’ve been apart for so long, and even though we’re beginning to come back together, it’s still hard. We still can’t do many “normal” things (although admittedly having people stay away from me in the grocery is actually pretty great!), and we’re still trying to figure out what any kind of new “normal” might look like in a post-lock down world.
I’m sharing in hopes that it helps you as much as it has helped me to write it.
Personally, some days are great and productive. I can write 10 pages, work on business and course design, do laundry, take my dog Charlie for a couple of walks, and lay down at the end of the day content with the fact that I kicked ass! Tired, but satisfied, I log my day and fall asleep.
Some days are not okay. Some days I want to lay around and do nothing. I roll out of bed, find out the tea maker is broken, it rains halfway through Charlie’s morning walk, and no matter how I try to write anything, it fails. I sit on the couch, watch yet another episode of mindless TV, and eat way too many unhealthy snacks. I go to bed feeling blah because even though I know I don’t need to be productive every day, I didn’t even muster the energy to do something I like.
When did everything get so complicated?
When did everything get so complicated?
How can I feel lonely when I’m almost literally always surrounded by the company of my husband and Charlie?
Why can’t I get into a routine like I could when I was working in the office?
Why is going to the BMV to get my license renewed the most “normal” thing that’s happened in weeks? Even getting my haircut was less exciting than normal, and I LOVE getting my hair cut.
Do you feel like this, too? Like you’re just “okay” some days? Or maybe even not okay?
I constantly remind myself that it is okay to just be okay.
Okay
We have been locked down for months, and I have been at home for 12 weeks. For a mostly-extrovert self-proclaimed worrier, it’s been A LOT. Even for someone without anxiety, that’s a lot! I wrote before that the pandemic hasn’t exacerbated my anxiety, and that holds true: the actual sickness isn’t causing me anxiety. I don’t worry about myself most of the time anyway, and it never really occurred to me that I would be at risk.
I constantly remind myself that it is okay to just be okay.
I, in no way, am trying to minimize other experiences. I do genuinely feel for those directly affected - my feelings aren’t ignoring the critical-ness of the situation! It’s heartbreaking, and I very much appreciate those who continue to fight the good fight on the front lines because they are rock stars. I simply mean that other factors of the pandemic have affected me more than the worry about getting sick myself.
My anxiety comes from:
Not being able to see the people I love and who love me, too.
From the fact that I was working from home for a long time after a hugely disruptive March, and then got furloughed from a brand new job where I was working more than full time hours.
From the fact that I have failed to create a routine not for lack of trying, but because genuinely every day is a little different from the last.
From not being good at relaxing, but not being motivated to be productive.
From not being good at relaxing, but not being motivated to be productive.
From just being overwhelmed by the constant state of change seemingly without end.
What have you been worried about this spring during the pandemic?
Whatever it is, whether you’ve had an experience similar to mine, or completely different, know that it is OK.
It is okay to be just okay sometimes.
It is okay to be anxious because everything has been changing for months with only a partial end in sight.
It is okay to be upset and miss those people in your life who you just want to hug.
It is okay to not be productive some days. To relax! To watch mindless television and snack like it’s your job.
It is okay to not be productive some days. To relax! To watch mindless television and snack like it’s your job.
It is okay to survive the bad days, just like it is okay to have great days!
Humans have a whole spectrum of emotion ranging from the lowest of the low to the highest of the high. It’s natural to feel different based on our environments, the people who surround us, and even the weather!
We’re allowed to be sad, and even during this hard time, we are also allowed to be happy.
For instance, I’ve been blessed with a wonderful opportunity to write full time for a short period, which is something I never could have dreamed about since I got out of grad school. I’ve written more in the past month than I’ve written since high school. That is incredibly positive!
It’s these great kinds of days mixed with the anxious days that make okay days okay.
Okay days aren’t good days, but they’re not bad days either. They’re just that: okay. So so. Whatever you want to call the in between days of our human experience.
No one’s going to call you unprofessional or immature or whatever else people think when you tell them about your video game hobby.
We’re not obligated to be our “normal” selves, or even a version of who we normally are. There are a lot of people finding out right now that they don’t even know who they actually are. They know how they present themselves to the world, but that doesn’t really do much good when you’re alone in your house, right? Or really even with your family.
No one’s going to call you unprofessional or immature or whatever else people think when you tell them about your video game hobby. Or your cleaning strategies - that you can do with pajamas on, or pants-less! Who actually cares? Not one dang person. And if they do? You probably don’t want to be that close to them anyway.
All of this is to say that if you have to tell yourself “I will be okay” more often as a reminder, or you find that more days are “just” so so, it is okay.
You will be okay, just like I will be okay.
We are resilient!
We are resilient!
And hopefully, as a society, we have learned from this experience enough to create a new and better normal. A people-centered normal that doesn’t always focus so much on “grinding” at all hours of the day and night to make money that ultimately means nothing if we don’t get to build relationships and memories.
A normal that allows people to put family first, do the things that make them happy without worrying that a sick day or a PTO day will leave them unable to pay the water bill or buy food for their family.
One last thing, friends: if you are not okay, please reach out and get help.
Whether that’s to a friend, a family member, an online community, a therapist - whoever you trust. If you have no one, please reach out to me. Bad days and just okay days shouldn’t run our whole lives, and there’s absolutely NOTHING wrong with asking for help if it seems like they do.
If today was just an okay day for you, I hope this helps just a little bit. Sometimes knowing other people are out there having similar experiences is enough to comfort us through to a new tomorrow.
Just remember, everything will be okay.
Yours in okay-ness,
