5 Simple Steps to Stop Feeling Like a Failure in Your Writing
I’ve read a lot lately about and from writers feeling like a failure in their writing. The questions are typically:
Is this normal?
What do I do?
How do I keep writing? OR How can I get back to writing?
How do I make this go away?
I totally get it because I’ve been that person. I’ve set writing goals that I pretty much watched fly by and said “Well, that sucks. Now what do I do? How do I get back on track?”
The amazing thing about writing is that it’s very much a process. It’s a cycle we go through, so even when something happens that pushes us out of our normal writing habits, we always have the option to dive back in.
The amazing thing about writing is that it’s very much a process.
The big question is how to be confident doing that when we really feel like we failed. Or that we are a failure as a writer.
Why Do We Feel Like a Failure in Our Writing?
There are several places where fear of failure develops from:
School/Education
Bad Experiences
Media Portrayal of Writers & Writing
Incorrect Impressions of Failure & Success
If you’re interested in reading more about how each of these plays a huge role in why writers have negative writing thoughts, check this out.
At the same time we’re developing this fear of failure, we’re also forming our vision of what success looks like. As children, we start off with wonderment when we can do things like color in the lines in our favorite coloring book - it’s a great success! Gradually as we get older, we stop celebrating these small victories and only celebrate events like weddings or birthdays (and sometimes we sadly even forget or skip those).
The truth is, though, that anytime you make progress it’s a success.
The truth is, though, that anytime you make progress it’s a success. Small progress is still progress! It’s not a one size fits all scenario.
Between our fear of failure and our weird relationship with success, it can be a huge struggle to figure out how to feel balanced with our writing. It can certainly make us feel like we’re failing as writers and creatives.
Sometimes we also feel like failures without the fear aspect. We’ve done something already but it’s just “not good.” Or maybe we tried to finish a project and we couldn't and we don’t know why.
For writers, feeling like a failure often comes from things like:
Missing a deadline
Not being able to follow through on a creative idea
Having an idea and not knowing where to start.
While they often feel like the end of the world, these events are all temporary. They all have a fix or a workaround. None of these things defines a writer unless it becomes a regular habit. And, if/when that bad habit occurs, it’s usually because of an already existing notion of failure we developed long before now.
Our feeling of failure begins to merge with a fear of failure that’s been with us since we were kids.
It can become a vicious cycle! If we can’t achieve a “big” success milestone with our writing (or if we do but it’s not fast enough) , we often internalize that as a permanent part of who we are instead of recognizing it as a one time event. So our feeling of failure begins to merge with a fear of failure that’s been with us since we were kids.
How crazy is that?! It’s super disheartening, to say the least.
An important truth: Failure is an event, not a person. YOU cannot be a failure because you are a person.
The great reality about failures is that they come and go. As much as we are uncomfortable in the moment, and the following moments, tomorrow is a new day - a new chance to learn and grow.
How Do We Change Our Feelings about Failure?
If you’re reading this and you’ve felt like a failure in your writing (especially recently), I’ve got good news for you!
You can change it!
Let me tell you how.
There are 5 simple steps you can follow to start getting your writing and creative confidence back today. Because these steps work so well (I use them in my own writing life!), I created a pretty great checklist for you so that you can use them over and over again. You can get that here.
But, more on the steps! They are:
Step 1: Acknowledge Your Feelings & Write Them Down
We all have feelings because we’re people, so whether or not you like it or want to admit it, you have some kind of feelings about writing. The first thing you need to do to stop feeling like a failure is to acknowledge that your feelings not only exist, but are legitimate. You’re allowed to feel like that.
Let yourself think about it and write those feelings down on a piece of paper.
So let yourself think about it and write those feelings down on a piece of paper. Don’t sugar coat it, either. You’re not doing yourself any favors by not acknowledging how you actually feel.
I know it’s hard, and for some people who aren’t open about their feelings, it might feel weird or embarrassing. I’ll reassure you here that it’s NOT, but in the case you feel like that (your feelings are valid!), I won’t tell anyone you’re writing down your feelings as long as you actually do it so you can help yourself.
Deal?
Step 2: Figure Out the “Why” of Your Feelings
Once you’ve written down your feelings, you need to dig in and find out why you feel like that. The biggest places negative feelings usually come from are comments that have been made to us by other people and experiences we’ve had. These aren’t the only places, but they’re definitely on the top 3.
Knowing this, really take the time to think about why you feel like this about your writing. Keep in mind that this might be a little painful, so tread softly, but be truthful with yourself so that you can begin to heal from this feeling of failure. You still don’t need to tell anyone about it if you don’t want or aren’t comfortable - do it for yourself.
Step 3: Shift Your Mindset to Believe in Success
You’re doing great!
This stuff is far from easy, but I can tell you’re invested in yourself. And you are SO worth that investment! Since you’ve already figured out how you feel and why, you now need to start shifting how you think about failure.
To shift your thinking, you need to decide what you could think about your writing and creativity that’s positive.
We now know that failure is an event and not a person, which means you can’t be a failure. To shift your thinking, you need to decide what you could think about your writing and creativity that’s positive. How do you want to think about these important aspects of your life? You know what you felt before, but what could you think instead?
Step 4: Practice Your Success Mindset
Since you have these shiny new thoughts about your writing & creativity, it’s time to put them to action! Practice does make perfect, right? Or so they say.
While we don’t need perfection, which isn’t realistic, we can start to create good habits that will help us on our path to success. Success doesn’t usually just show up, it takes time and dedication - effort on our part. Forming habits and continually showing up to practice them ensures that we will, in time, succeed.
So having decided on the “what ifs” of your writing, think about how to make them a reality. What steps can you start taking and making time for that will help you get to your ultimate end goal(s)?
Step 5: Write a Rainy Day Note for When You Fail
Before you do step 5, you should take a celebration dance like no one’s watching (and no one is...probably) because you’re doing it, my friend. You are tackling these feelings of failure and changing your creative life for the better.
How great is that?
I’m so proud of you!
The last step to stop feeling like a failure in your writing is to write a rainy date note for yourself for when you fail.
The last step to stop feeling like a failure in your writing is to write a rainy date note for yourself for when you fail. Because you will. Everyone does. But that doesn’t mean you can’t prepare for it by remembering how you feel right now.
So for the final step, spend some time writing a positive and encouraging note to yourself about why you worked through these steps. What was the purpose? What do you need to hear on a rainy day when it seems like everything you touch fails?
Do this exercise because it really works. I have a rainy day note I use when I’m feeling like I kind of suck, and it works every time without fail. I know it sounds cheesy, but who cares if it works, right?
Next Steps
First of all, I’m so glad you visited and I hope the steps are so helpful to you. Even if you’re skeptical, give them a try - I think you’ll be surprised at how well they work.
These steps are so simple, but so powerful!
These steps are so simple, but so powerful! I don’t know about you, but I love getting on board with simple things that make my life better.
So now that you have the 5 simple steps to stop feeling like a failure in your writing, what do you do next?
It seems to me you have some pretty great options:
Download the Free Checklist
I love a good checklist, and I ESPECIALLY love this one. Not only is it pretty, but it’s also super helpful. You get the 5 steps in an easy-to-use format, AND you also get some bonus reminders about how to stop feeling bad about your writing & creativity. Double win!
If this sounds awesome to you, or if you’re a little intrigued, click here or fill out the super quick form below to get your checklist for free right now. What’s the worst that could happen with a free checklist?
Keep Practicing Your New Success Mindset
After you get the checklist (or even if you don’t), keep practicing your new mindset. Being able to change your own mind is such a powerful tool! But it takes practice, so spend the time creating those new thoughts and habits in your life.
Write!
Embrace the process and just keep writing.
I will always encourage you to do the thing that scares you, especially in writing. Now that you’ve decided you want to change your mindset, though, it’s even more important to write - practice, fail, succeed, do it all over again. Embrace the process and just keep writing.
Get Additional Encouragement if You Know it Would Help
Last, but certainly not least, if you like these steps and you’re trying to use them but still want or need a little bit of additional help, I can give that to you. Click here to read more about how I work 1:1 with writers like you to encourage, uplift, and help them make the progress on their writing that they’ve been dreaming about but struggling with.
My challenge to you is to download the checklist and start on these steps TODAY. You’ve got this!
Have you used the steps? Or maybe other or additional steps to help yourself feel good about writing? I’d love to hear about your experiences! Find me on social media, drop a comment below, or email me at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com!
Let’s chat because you, my friend, are on your way to great writing.