How to Check Your Unrealistic Expectations at the Door
We’ve all been there: you set a New Year’s Resolution or a goal throughout the year, only to get to November and December and realize that you have failed to live up to your own expectations.
When we don’t live up to our own high standards, we feel bad. Like, unmotivated and questioning whether to keep writing bad.
Have you ever felt this way?
I know I have.
Why do Writers Have Unrealistic Expectations?
Writers are a special kind of people. I won’t claim that there’s only one way to be a writer, because I hate generalizations - they’re always untrue.
Even when there are elements of fact, putting a whole group of people together like that takes the human uniqueness out of the equation, which is actually one of the most important parts of writing and being a writer.
What I will claim is that most writers have a similar mentality when they set unrealistic expectations.
They want to meet the expectations.
Writers set standards to help themselves grow and develop their craft. They want to be better, so they set their expectations high thinking they will be able to easily learn and be better. I’m all about growth mindset, but putting the pressure of unrealistic expectations on yourself will actually hinder your ability to grow as much as you want.
Writers set standards to help themselves grow and develop their craft.
For example, who DOESN’T want to write a novel and have it be perfect on the first draft? How cool would that be? Just because we want it, doesn’t mean it’s realistic, though.
They think they can meet the expectations.
Because we are on a journey to be better, and many writers are excellent learners, it stands to reason that we might think we can meet the unrealistic expectations. It’s one of those things we might find ourselves saying, “Oh, well I’m different than so-and-so who couldn’t do that” when in reality, we’re really not that different from so-and-so.
Realistically, if you haven’t developed a regular writing routine, are you going to be able to write the next Great American Novel in the next 90 days? Probably not. You might be able to have a draft of a novel in that time, but it’s unlikely to become a canonical classic this year, if it even does within your lifetime.
They underestimate the amount of work involved in writing.
I have a lot of conversations about this when I’m teaching because many people are somehow under the impression that writing is easy and effortless. That some kind of divine inspiration makes the blank page suddenly transform into a perfectly edited book-length manuscript that publishers are clamoring for.
If this is you, I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but that’s not really how writing or publishing works. Sure, there are definitely writers who are inspired. I can vouch for this personally, as the premise of my book is based around one scene that I dreamed, alongside many of my own experiences. When I hear specific kinds of music, I do get inspired to write.
Writing is hard work and it takes a lot of effort to produce something good!
Writing isn’t easy OR effortless, though. Writing is hard work and it takes a lot of effort to produce something good! I think the main reason writers fail to live up to their expectations is because they underestimate the amount of work it takes to not just write a draft, but also then edit and refine the ideas.
They’ve seen other writers do it, so they assume they can, too.
After underestimating the amount of work, writers also tend to compare their own progress to others when setting goals - especially if they know other writers who are producing a lot of material.
There are prolific writers who seem to produce a book every 3-6 months. To be frank, I don’t read many writers who do this simply because I can’t keep up and most of the genres don’t interest me much. I will say that certain genres are more formulaic than others, so it may be easier to fill that kind of quota. For instance, mysteries and romances typically follow a pretty standard set of plot sequences.
This isn’t to undercut the amount of work in the least! But if you already know the genre you want to work on has to meet X, Y, & Z landmark scenes, then you can work on filling in the rest perhaps more quickly than developing a whole new world with multiple races of creatures with all different languages and customs.
Just because someone else is cranking out novels doesn’t mean that’s a realistic or even good expectation to have for yourself. Only you know how much you can do, and for many of us, it takes longer and we do less than we thought. On the bright side, many times when you’ve taken a long time to work on a piece, it’s very satisfying to see it completed!
They see writers on social media and feel the need to compete.
In a digital world where we have access to almost infinite information, resources, and connections to other people, it makes sense that we might fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others.
When we see what others are doing, we tend to raise our expectations, almost to compete with the writers we’re connected with online (even though most of us probably wouldn’t admit that).
Writers, in particular, tend to have a problem with this in the media and on social media. There are numerous ads claiming to have you writing a best-selling eBook in 30 days - heck, I’ve seen it promised in 14 days! There are even these weird little statements in commercials - I saw one the other day that was showing a string of excuses for not going out with friends because of acne & one of those was that she was “writing a book.” Um, what?
Not to mention, there are many writers who produce a lot of work and therefore it always seems like they’re working on something shiny and new.
When we see what others are doing, we tend to raise our expectations, almost to compete with the writers we’re connected with online (even though most of us probably wouldn’t admit that). When we don’t live up to our newly raised standards, we feel like we’ve failed.
How to Check Your Unrealistic Expectations at the Door (So You Can Actually Get on with Writing)
I’ll be the first to tell you that you should have high standards for yourself. I know I do, and I expect the people I work with to have them also.
That being said, I don’t advocate for impossible standards. I’ve heard before that having higher expectations than you can reach helps you “strive for more” but honestly, in my experience, it really just makes you feel bad. And when you feel bad you don’t write, which is the opposite of what you want for your writing.
So here are some things that will help you check your unrealistic expectations at the door and get some real writing done.
Turn off all your media - I mean all of it. You have to stop comparing yourself to others. You also need to stop scrolling through social media and actually start typing or writing on the page. Do yourself a favor and log off of ALL socials and just be with your writing for a little while.
Assess your writing & progress honestly (but not critically). The only way you can really grow and be better is by being honest about where you are right now. You don’t have to share it, but you do have to acknowledge it so you can move forward. This doesn’t mean you need to say, “Oh, I suck at having a writing routine” - but perhaps acknowledging, “I need to work on developing a stronger writing routine.” You’ll be amazed how positive & honest self-talk improves your writing life.
Set 1-2 smaller goals you know you can achieve according to how YOU write. Since you’re not on social media, and you’ve had an honest reflection of your writing, you can now set small achievable goals to help boost your writing confidence and get you moving forward. For example, in my own creative writing practices, I set a goal to write one section of my book a week. I know I wouldn’t keep up with it daily, but I find that usually one section a week is manageable.
Set a loftier goal to work on long-term. As you start to set and reach smaller goals, you’ll also need to set a bigger goal to work on long-term. This could be about when you’ll complete your manuscript or when you’ll have editing done. Whatever it is that would be a big next step for you that you don’t think you’d achieve in the next week or two. As an example, this year I set a goal to finish the rough draft of my book by the end of the year. It was a big goal, but one that I knew that I could work on with smaller steps.
Look at all of your goals each and every day. Repetition is your friend. I know it doesn’t seem like much, but looking at those goals written down every single day will greatly improve your mindset and ability to achieve those expectations you set for yourself. You can also write them down daily as affirmations. I do both. I have affirmations that I write down in my morning pages and a positive note for myself that I read every night before bed. It’s changed everything for me!
Take steps to make progress on your goals. The main way to meet your expectations is by taking action. Start with baby steps and use your small goals to help you move forward. Remember, progress is progress, even if it’s small! Keep taking those steps forward toward your goals every chance you can.
When you reach your goals, even the small ones, give yourself a reward. Then set a new goal to replace it. I know I love a good reward, and I’ll bet you do, too! When you work hard and reach those smaller goals, give yourself a little reward for your efforts. Things like a trip to Target (I love the dollar section) or a new book from your favorite author are perfect to keep you motivated and on track. When you’ve celebrated, set yourself another goal and move forward again!
Next Steps
There are a lot of reasons writers have unrealistic expectations for themselves, whether it’s because of comparisons with others or just plain old excitement. These unrealistic expectations can be a real nuisance for progress, though!
It’s time to tackle your unrealistic expectations and get on with your writing. Here’s what you can start with:
Turn off your news, socials, and get off Google. Just be alone with your music and your paper.
Take an honest look at your writing. If you don’t have any writing yet, consider your process and why you haven’t started writing yet. Be honest, but not critical. Your inner critic doesn’t need a say in this conversation.
Set your goals. Think about what you could do this week and this month. What’s realistic for you? You can even use this free worksheet to help you!
Work on those goals & start seeing progress! Do the work, even if it’s just a little at a time. A half hour here, a late-night writing session there - whatever works into your writing process. Make time and effort and you’ll start to see progress.
Get help being accountable (or setting goals if you’re stuck or overwhelmed!) If you need help setting goals or being accountable, let’s chat. I work with writers all the time on goal-setting and helping them stay on track. Read more about it here.
My challenge to you is to look your unrealistic writing expectation in the face today and tell it you’ve had enough and that you’re ready to write.
Have you faced unrealistic expectations before? Overcome writing fears about not living up to expectations? Or maybe have some other inspirational tips for writers who need a little positive boost? I’d love to hear about your experiences and recommendations! Find me on social media or drop a comment below.
Let’s chat because you, my friend, are on your way to great writing.