What Creates Confidence?: Exploring Confidence Series, Part 2
Welcome back to the Exploring Confidence Series!
When you consider the idea of confidence, where do you think it comes from?
In Part 2 of our Exploring Confidence mini-series, we will discuss what creates confidence, what’s it’s made of, and why it matters.
What is Confidence?: A Brief Review
In Part 1 we defined confidence as: the “quality of being certain of your abilities or of having trust in people, plans, or the future.”
We discussed confidence with self-efficacy, which is “people's beliefs about their capabilities to produce effects” (Bandura 1994).
Sometimes we are confident, but we don’t think it makes a difference!
Confidence comes from our support network/system, experiences, and within us.
Everyone needs confidence. Why? Because we use it to bolster ourselves & others, as well as to make decisions.
What Creates Confidence?
If confidence is the quality of being certain of our own abilities, it stands to reason that thought has to come from somewhere. Some of us are blessed to be born with outgoing and flamboyant personalities. While this is a great attribute, it’s definitely not something everyone has throughout their lives.
The good news is, we can develop confidence! That process looks a little different for everyone, but there are a couple of key aspects when creating or developing confidence:
Support from Our Network Our support network is critical in our confidence development. When we have a full and vocal cast of supporters in our lives, we tend to be comfortable to make decisions and feel good about them. And why wouldn’t we? Our network will probably do one of two things: encourage us to keep going or catch us when we fall.
It’s not until we’re adults that we are fully in control of who we associate with.
On the other hand, if we’re figuring out how to survive and thrive without a network of supporters cheering us on, it can be hard to be sure about our decisions. We may question whether the risk is worth the outcome or whether we can actually follow through with what we know needs done. This causes us not only to doubt our own efficacy, but also worry about the effect if we do make the decision and it goes poorly. What will happen in a worst case scenario if we don’t have someone to catch us when we fall?
We begin our lives not really having a choice about who surrounds us. We have families and friends, but those are likely people you have grown up with/around. It’s not until we’re adults that we are fully in control of who we associate with. If we grew up in a setting that didn’t allow for a lot of decision making or failing safely, we might have to learn these things as an adult.
Taking Risks & Succeeding This probably sounds odd, but it’s true: taking risks creates confidence. In fact, when we take a lot of risks and they work out, our confidence can be bolstered pretty darn quickly.
The problem with risks is that they’re risks, though, right? It wouldn’t be a risk if there wasn’t some negative consequence(s) associated with failure.
When I say risk, I mean calculated risk. I don’t mean jumping off your roof thinking you can fly knowing full well you can’t but “risking” it just in case. I mean thinking through the pros and cons, educating yourself about the possible consequences and effects (good and bad) and then deciding to take action. While there will always be a negative consequence looming if we fail, there will also be a reward waiting if we succeed.
The problem with risks is that they’re risks.
Confidence grows when we reward our calculated risk-taking. We see the success and we like that feeling! We want to feel it again, so we take some more risk to gain more reward. Eventually, we get to a place where even when we fail or take a bad risk, we’ve learned to get back up and try again. After all, we’ve seen what happens when we take a risk and succeed.
What is Confidence Made of?
When we try to define words like confidence, we have an idea, but it can be tricky to explain. It’s not like you can go pick up a pack of confidence at the grocery store. So how do we know what it’s made of and where it comes from?
Most of us see confidence fluctuate in our daily lives. We notice when people are confident, when they’re not, and perhaps even understand why. We just don’t often stop to think about it. What we see when we really look are:
Inner Strength People who are confident are strong. Not just on the outside, but mentally and emotionally. They have taken calculated risks and won, but they have also failed. They are self-aware and don’t shy away from speaking what needs to be said. This isn’t to say they enjoy confrontation, but realize that to grow, sometimes this must occur. They have developed their voices and characters and are ready to take on the world.
People who are confident are strong. Not just on the outside, but mentally and emotionally.
They are people we look to for leadership and, sometimes, guidance.
Picture the most confident person you know. Imagine their mannerisms and voice. Recall their character and values.
What are the easiest qualities to recall?
Willingness to Be Wrong For most people, being wrong seems to be a real sticking point. We live in a world where technology allows us to find the right answers to many questions within a few minutes. The problem is that we’re not always right, and that’s okay!
Confident people are okay with being wrong because they know it’s a growing pain. We weren’t born knowing how to feed ourselves or drive a car - those are things we learn. And sometimes we mess them up along the journey. When we can admit we are not perfect, that we are, in fact, human beings who make mistakes, that’s when we are truly confident.
When we are not willing to be wrong, we show fear. We are not taking the risk to be vulnerable to get the positive reward of growth, so we get stuck where we are. Refusal to be wrong and grow is a mask for lack of confidence.
Many people will simply shrug this off. We see this a lot with people in power. They say things like “alternative facts” or blame others for their mistakes. No one is immune from being wrong sometimes, though.
Think again about the most confident person you know. How do they handle being wrong?
Knowledge that You Can Get Back Up When You Fall Down When we are brave enough to take risks, even when they scare us, we can succeed. Sometimes far beyond our wildest ideas. But, we also take the chance of failing and getting knocked down. Because we are human, we make mistakes and do things wrong.
Confident people can get back up and try again when they fall. It might not be immediately, and it might not be the same attempt (which is probably good if it failed), but they are secure in the idea that when they’re ready, they can get up and keep going.
Confident people are okay with being wrong because they know it’s a growing pain.
This knowledge comes partly from taking risks with possible success and failure outcomes. It also comes from being secure in the idea that it’s okay to be wrong. They wouldn’t do the same thing again, but even if it’s the worst failure of their lives, life will continue on. It is in these situations that confident people’s inner strength really shines through.
Think one last time about the most confident person you know. What do they do when they fall flat on their face?
Why Does it Matter?
While it’s great that we can talk about what confidence is, where it comes from, and what it’s made of, why exactly is that information important? As I tell my students when they’re writing their research papers, they need to think about a “so what” factor - a reason their audience should care about what they’re trying to say.
So, in the spirit of a lifelong learner, here’s why confidence matters:
More Positive Mindset Who couldn’t use a little more positivity in their lives? We notice the inward changes of growing confidence first. We feel safer in the knowledge we can do what we want and need to do. We can make decisions, and fail, but we will be alright.
We feel safer in the knowledge we can do what we want and need to do. We can make decisions, and fail, but we will be alright.
We also worry less about our abilities! We don’t feel the need to constantly second guess our abilities, and that probably makes our work even better. We might even display more creativity or reach beyond what we thought we could do - all because we’ve gained the confidence to keep going.
When we are confident, we also present ourselves better. We care less about the opinions of others because we trust ourselves, so we wear what we want to wear - what makes us feel good. We might do our hair differently or say hello to someone at work who we don’t normally talk to. We become more of the person we want to be.
Better Interactions with Others Think of all the times you’ve started a project and second guessed your work. Maybe you had a brilliant out-of-the-box idea, but didn’t propose it at work because you didn’t think others would agree. Or you’ve completed something you’re really proud of, but never shown it to anyone because you weren’t confident about it.
When we are comfortably confident, we present ourselves differently. We might stand a little taller, speak a little slower and with more assuredness during important gatherings. We also trust our own work, which means when we go to present it to others, we are more credible and believable. We believe in what we do, so others have a good reason to, also!
We believe in what we do, so others have a good reason to, also!
When we believe in our work, and others believe in our work, that’s a recipe for great collaboration. Others see your energy and vibes and want to get in on the action. They want to see more of your awesome ideas because you presented them with confidence!
More Confidence = Easier Path to Success When we act and work with confidence, we have an easier path to success. No, this is not a straight ticket or an easy shot, but here’s what more confidence can do:
It can create openings for collaboration. Networking is absolutely vital these days! In the past it might have been easy to walk in and get a job on a Monday morning with just a printed resume, but that time is long gone. You never know who you might be able to work with when you collaborate on projects.
It makes you more willing to take risks, and as we know, taking risks is key to building confidence. We start with the tiny ones, and when we see them succeed, we can start building on them. Sometimes we’re in a position to take a larger risk for a larger reward. Would a person lacking in confidence go for that risk, even if it was their dream job/relationship/goal? Maybe not.
Confidence also allows you to believe in yourself and your work enough that when you do face hard times of “failure,” you can get up afterward. Unfortunately, life isn’t always fair and some people face more obstacles than others. Perseverance is key to success, so when you have the confidence to weather the storm, you too can sail through to your vision of success, whatever that may be.
What’s Next?
We’ve talked about what creates confidence, what it’s made of, and why it matters. Tune in for the next part of our mini-series to read more about what can break confidence.
What have your experiences been with confidence? I’d love to hear about them! Drop a comment below or send me an email at rachel@capturingyourconfidence.com.